"The mic cord's connected to the - round hole
The speaker's connected to the - other hole
The laptop's connected to the - AV hole
So why have I got no sound?
The left speaker's cord is really - twisted
The right speaker's cord seems - unnecessary
There's too many cords and not enough plugs
So let's call the whole thing off!"
A little ditty to describe this morning's horrific experience with one of my least favourite things.
Speakers.
Speakers are the devil.
Well, actually, the ICT anti-christ is the devil. And he made speakers to torment me.
I discovered this when I got my first stereo system, back in the glory days when they were a block of three units: two speakers connected to the main component, which was the tape deck and a relatively crappy CD system. There were so many cables even then - an archaic device after all - and it was virtually impossible to get the whole thing connected together without wanting to hurl it through the window. And then you had to get these three massive interconected boxes up on a wall unit. The whole assembly was absurd and completely non ergonomic. (It actually died after about two years and I was quoted an absurd amount to get it fixed. Suffice to say my hatred of technology was progressing quite nicely from the age of 16!)
(Second side note. I learned about ergonomics when I studied "Information Technology" in VCE. Ironic, huh?!
Speakers have a million cords and laptops a billion plugs. I can figure out what some of them are - the USB port, for example, takes a USB and also an external hardrive, if you are lucky enough to have one. And that rhombus-shaped plug with all the little holes that plugs you into the projector. Projectors are my mortal enemy sent by the ICT anti-christ also, but I do know where the cord goes.
Speakers, though, are a different kettle of fish: they connect to the computer, to the wall, to each other ... apart from the obvious three-pronged plug in the wall, it all just leaves me flummoxed, until at last I cry: "If someone doesn't come and help me with this, we're writing an essay!"
I hate speakers. But I am confident that, even if they do have them in Namibia, I will never be expected to use them.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Saving Face
Today the POL advertisements were made, and one of them was ICT coordinator. Such is the legend of my incompetence, people in my office have suggested, facetiously, that I go for it. You get almost zero teaching time, to facilitate working in classrooms with teachers on their ICT.
Even when being facetious, such jokes only make me aware of how useless I'd be in such a position, and I want to book my flight no Namibia urgently.
I'd be better off teaching specialist maths. Seriously.
Oh crap - so that's two things I'm useless at.
I don't like being bad at things. It means there are too many opportunities for me to lose face. In English, when people ask me a question, even if I don't know what the answer is I can usually take a stab and it usually turns out to be right. Just ask me to hook the laptop to the projector and the following can go wrong in the space of 15 literal seconds:
1. The projector won't relay the picture to the board
2. The speakers aren't working
3. The speakers are working but it's not loud enough and no matter what I do this cannot be rectified
4. The speakers are working, but the picture isn't so we can hear everything but see nothing and the students won't stop screaming at me that I'm ruining it because they can hear what's going on but can't see it and now they know how it's all going to end but they haven't seen it and come on miss turn it off quickly turn it off!!!! *Please make them stop*
5. The DVD won't play on my laptop
6. The projector WILL relay the picture on the board, and I've left something embarrassing on the desktop
7. I'm not even sure if I've used the word desktop in the right context
8. The DVD is in French and I CANNOT get the subtitles to work even though I did select them
9. I may have broken the volume nob from frantically trying to force the sound to get louder *why won't you work dammnit frickkety frick frick frick!*
10. I just wasted nearly 40 minutes of teaching time. The End. And now my year 12s think I'm not compentent enough to actually be a teacher and when I pass them in the corridor I can hear their thoughts: she is the most incompetent teacher in the world.
Not really in the world, children. When I move to Namibia and they don't have ICT, then I will be the very best!
Even when being facetious, such jokes only make me aware of how useless I'd be in such a position, and I want to book my flight no Namibia urgently.
I'd be better off teaching specialist maths. Seriously.
Oh crap - so that's two things I'm useless at.
I don't like being bad at things. It means there are too many opportunities for me to lose face. In English, when people ask me a question, even if I don't know what the answer is I can usually take a stab and it usually turns out to be right. Just ask me to hook the laptop to the projector and the following can go wrong in the space of 15 literal seconds:
1. The projector won't relay the picture to the board
2. The speakers aren't working
3. The speakers are working but it's not loud enough and no matter what I do this cannot be rectified
4. The speakers are working, but the picture isn't so we can hear everything but see nothing and the students won't stop screaming at me that I'm ruining it because they can hear what's going on but can't see it and now they know how it's all going to end but they haven't seen it and come on miss turn it off quickly turn it off!!!! *Please make them stop*
5. The DVD won't play on my laptop
6. The projector WILL relay the picture on the board, and I've left something embarrassing on the desktop
7. I'm not even sure if I've used the word desktop in the right context
8. The DVD is in French and I CANNOT get the subtitles to work even though I did select them
9. I may have broken the volume nob from frantically trying to force the sound to get louder *why won't you work dammnit frickkety frick frick frick!*
10. I just wasted nearly 40 minutes of teaching time. The End. And now my year 12s think I'm not compentent enough to actually be a teacher and when I pass them in the corridor I can hear their thoughts: she is the most incompetent teacher in the world.
Not really in the world, children. When I move to Namibia and they don't have ICT, then I will be the very best!
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
We Have Met the Enemy and He Is PowerPoint ...
Ok, so this pic relates more to military strategy, but I don't care - powerpoint is definitely the devil!
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
ICT is the devil!
Oh FFS!
And just when you thought it was safe to plug in your computer, the ICT anti-christ raises its ugly head again (note: ICT anti-christ will feature heavily in this blog – it is the devil sent up through the fibre-optic caballing to thwart all my attempts to teach both with AND without my computer!)
Today’s lesson was really supposed to be a no-brainer:
1. Get computer. Check – was assigned to me against will, but I have it.
2. Get VSG (or some such) cable. Check – pretty adept at using this thing by now, although have had lots of practice getting new ones because they are broken all the time. In fact, have returned them to audiovisual techs so many times, I’m probably getting my old ones back in the rotation!)
3. Get DVD. Check – what an awesome lesson this will be. Love this movie. Am sure kids will love it too as they have worked diligently through the original text, and are looking forward to this adaptation. Can’t wait.
Which brings me to “Oh FFS!”
Why is it that, on the rare occasions that I have everything sorted, the ICT anti-christ has to be there? It’s like it’s a bad movie, in which he is my constant nemesis! Suffice to say, I hooked everything up correctly and then threw a hissy fit because I couldn’t get the sound to work. Only to be told: Oh no, Miss, there’s no sound with the projector in this room.
Of course there isn’t!
Check-mate, it would seem. I had to get a tv, with 29 kids crammed around it. Definitely not the effect I was going for – not the optimum viewing/teaching experience. (But on a side-note, the humble tv proves its reliability once again! Screw you unnecessary Windows Media Player!)
Tvs are allowed in Namibia. And I will see them soon.
And just when you thought it was safe to plug in your computer, the ICT anti-christ raises its ugly head again (note: ICT anti-christ will feature heavily in this blog – it is the devil sent up through the fibre-optic caballing to thwart all my attempts to teach both with AND without my computer!)
Today’s lesson was really supposed to be a no-brainer:
1. Get computer. Check – was assigned to me against will, but I have it.
2. Get VSG (or some such) cable. Check – pretty adept at using this thing by now, although have had lots of practice getting new ones because they are broken all the time. In fact, have returned them to audiovisual techs so many times, I’m probably getting my old ones back in the rotation!)
3. Get DVD. Check – what an awesome lesson this will be. Love this movie. Am sure kids will love it too as they have worked diligently through the original text, and are looking forward to this adaptation. Can’t wait.
Which brings me to “Oh FFS!”
Why is it that, on the rare occasions that I have everything sorted, the ICT anti-christ has to be there? It’s like it’s a bad movie, in which he is my constant nemesis! Suffice to say, I hooked everything up correctly and then threw a hissy fit because I couldn’t get the sound to work. Only to be told: Oh no, Miss, there’s no sound with the projector in this room.
Of course there isn’t!
Check-mate, it would seem. I had to get a tv, with 29 kids crammed around it. Definitely not the effect I was going for – not the optimum viewing/teaching experience. (But on a side-note, the humble tv proves its reliability once again! Screw you unnecessary Windows Media Player!)
Tvs are allowed in Namibia. And I will see them soon.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Blutooth makes me blu ...
What a disaster.
I wanted to send some pictures I had taken to my computer, so I could use them for a class. The only reason I take photos on my phone is so I can send them places! Otherwise I’d just be normal and use a camera. Gah!
Anyway, I searched high and low for blutooth – but “no device found” was the irritating message, over and over. And then it dawned on me – not quite a lightening bolt, considering I’d been looking for the blutooth application on my laptop for about 40 minutes by this stage.
My brand new laptop doesn’t have blutooth.
Crappola. (There is no indecent swearing on this blog, just in case they don’t swear in Namibia. But in my head, it was pretty R-rated).
To be honest, I’m probably more annoyed about this because blutooth was something I actually knew how to use. Sort of. (I did try to send a few photos to my old laptop, which did have the application, and it never worked – but I always assumed that was because the old laptop was a pile of junk. Because it was. Now I’ll never know.)
This would never even be an issue in Namibia.
So again, my lessons are foiled by my overzealousness to use a technology that’s only ever going to let me down. There’s absolutely no point in making my powerpoint now, because my skills at making a visually stimulating presentation are basically zero (for anyone who went to subject-selection night and saw my work, I bet you agree whole-heartedly. Epic fail!) My pictures would have made all the difference. Although, I’m not great with my phone either so the quality of the photos isn’t awesome!
Teacher 1: Technology 1.
I hate technology and that is why I am still moving to Namibia.
I wanted to send some pictures I had taken to my computer, so I could use them for a class. The only reason I take photos on my phone is so I can send them places! Otherwise I’d just be normal and use a camera. Gah!
Anyway, I searched high and low for blutooth – but “no device found” was the irritating message, over and over. And then it dawned on me – not quite a lightening bolt, considering I’d been looking for the blutooth application on my laptop for about 40 minutes by this stage.
My brand new laptop doesn’t have blutooth.
Crappola. (There is no indecent swearing on this blog, just in case they don’t swear in Namibia. But in my head, it was pretty R-rated).
To be honest, I’m probably more annoyed about this because blutooth was something I actually knew how to use. Sort of. (I did try to send a few photos to my old laptop, which did have the application, and it never worked – but I always assumed that was because the old laptop was a pile of junk. Because it was. Now I’ll never know.)
This would never even be an issue in Namibia.
So again, my lessons are foiled by my overzealousness to use a technology that’s only ever going to let me down. There’s absolutely no point in making my powerpoint now, because my skills at making a visually stimulating presentation are basically zero (for anyone who went to subject-selection night and saw my work, I bet you agree whole-heartedly. Epic fail!) My pictures would have made all the difference. Although, I’m not great with my phone either so the quality of the photos isn’t awesome!
Teacher 1: Technology 1.
I hate technology and that is why I am still moving to Namibia.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Technology=Potential for EPIC Fail!!!
So, today I did a fantastic task with my year 12s. They were quiet for nearly eighty minutes as they diligently worked their way through critical analytical tasks. There’s a myth going around that such attention can only be maintained now if you stick them in front of a computer, or give them an iPod.
To that, I say: really???
Because all I gave them was some butcher’s paper, and a permanent marker!
TEACHER 1: TECHNOLOGY: 0!!!!!!
The fact of the matter is, MP3s are rubbish. I bought one three years ago and it emerged from the box broken – but nobody would give me my money back. And that brings me to today’s topic:
Technology = potential for epic fail.
How many times have you, as a teacher, borrowed the laptops with some “great” lesson plan in mind, only to have no connection to the wireless network?
Epic fail. (I bet there is no wireless in Namibia, either – and I mean that in a very good way!)
Or the kid in the class before yours ripped the space bar off every single laptop, so now none of them are useful for the “awesome” powerpoints the students were going to make?
Disastrous.
But butcher’s paper never fails. It’s thick and course and ugly. Permanent marker glides right over it, so that it will never fade in a million years. Show me a word document that you can still open in five – after sixteen updated programmes render it unrecognised by the very same software that made it! (Maybe – I’m not really up with the lingo). It might tear, yes – but drop a computer and see what happens. It will DEFINITELY smash!
I’m putting in a call to the government of Namibia, and if they have butcher’s paper – I’m going!!
To that, I say: really???
Because all I gave them was some butcher’s paper, and a permanent marker!
TEACHER 1: TECHNOLOGY: 0!!!!!!
The fact of the matter is, MP3s are rubbish. I bought one three years ago and it emerged from the box broken – but nobody would give me my money back. And that brings me to today’s topic:
Technology = potential for epic fail.
How many times have you, as a teacher, borrowed the laptops with some “great” lesson plan in mind, only to have no connection to the wireless network?
Epic fail. (I bet there is no wireless in Namibia, either – and I mean that in a very good way!)
Or the kid in the class before yours ripped the space bar off every single laptop, so now none of them are useful for the “awesome” powerpoints the students were going to make?
Disastrous.
But butcher’s paper never fails. It’s thick and course and ugly. Permanent marker glides right over it, so that it will never fade in a million years. Show me a word document that you can still open in five – after sixteen updated programmes render it unrecognised by the very same software that made it! (Maybe – I’m not really up with the lingo). It might tear, yes – but drop a computer and see what happens. It will DEFINITELY smash!
I’m putting in a call to the government of Namibia, and if they have butcher’s paper – I’m going!!
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Will my TomTom work in Namibia?!
hmmm ... I seriously thought Namibia was on the OTHER coast!! (True story)
To Namibia - and Beyond!
Hi All!
Welcome to my new blog - written from surburban Melbourne on a cold and dreary day!
But where I'd really like to be is Namibia!
There are several reasons for this, which range from being totally logical to - maybe - just a little bit insane. But I will lay them out for you anyway:
1. It is hotter there. (Fun fact about Namibia - it has the oldest desert in the world).
2. I have never been there, so it would be very, very cool.
3. They have lions and tigers and ... wildebeest. Oh My!
4. I like to say Namibia.
5. They have schools.
6. They do NOT have interactive whiteboards!
Just like there are no cats in America, there are no interactive whiteboards in Africa - and I will write a song about it too!
Ladies and gents, I would like to introduce you to the most technologically incompetent teacher in THE WORLD. And that world may even include Africa! And teaching, it would seem, is becoming more and more about integrating technology in the classroom (ICT) - using Microsoft Office (which was fine until the bastards UPDATED IT!), Inspiration (mindmaps are for losers anyway - digital ones are just UNNECESSARY!!), webquests (Jam it!!) and hooking up all sorts of stupid cables to your utterly belligerant laptop so that it MIGHT play a movie but probably won't so YOU will have to call tech support.
And they'll be BUSY because there are so many teachers like little old me.
(p.s. This blog is in Courier and I DON'T want it to be and I can't figure out how to FIX it!!! GRRRRRRRR!)
Face it people: apart from personal use, technology sucks. Follw my blog and the exploits of a teacher who is not going to make it through the 21st century in a job!!!
And will probably move to Namibia!
Welcome to my new blog - written from surburban Melbourne on a cold and dreary day!
But where I'd really like to be is Namibia!
There are several reasons for this, which range from being totally logical to - maybe - just a little bit insane. But I will lay them out for you anyway:
1. It is hotter there. (Fun fact about Namibia - it has the oldest desert in the world).
2. I have never been there, so it would be very, very cool.
3. They have lions and tigers and ... wildebeest. Oh My!
4. I like to say Namibia.
5. They have schools.
6. They do NOT have interactive whiteboards!
Just like there are no cats in America, there are no interactive whiteboards in Africa - and I will write a song about it too!
Ladies and gents, I would like to introduce you to the most technologically incompetent teacher in THE WORLD. And that world may even include Africa! And teaching, it would seem, is becoming more and more about integrating technology in the classroom (ICT) - using Microsoft Office (which was fine until the bastards UPDATED IT!), Inspiration (mindmaps are for losers anyway - digital ones are just UNNECESSARY!!), webquests (Jam it!!) and hooking up all sorts of stupid cables to your utterly belligerant laptop so that it MIGHT play a movie but probably won't so YOU will have to call tech support.
And they'll be BUSY because there are so many teachers like little old me.
(p.s. This blog is in Courier and I DON'T want it to be and I can't figure out how to FIX it!!! GRRRRRRRR!)
Face it people: apart from personal use, technology sucks. Follw my blog and the exploits of a teacher who is not going to make it through the 21st century in a job!!!
And will probably move to Namibia!
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